I Got a P-Hat!!!

Today one of my favorite nurses in the whole world Holly decided that the nose hose was not working for me, little did I know that I was in store for a Party hat!! That's right folks eat you hearts out I get to wear a party hat all day and its not new years eve or my birthday or anything!! OK so really its just a hat that holds on a different type of CPAP thingie but mommy and daddy keep telling me its a party hat so that's what I'm gonna call it a P Hat!! (mommy and daddy call it my P hat too I use that name cause it doesn't have near as many sounds I gotta say!!) well things were going pretty good with my new p hat and all till mommy and daddy got here, my heart still is beating a lot of times every minute and that scares mommy and daddy some, and it keeps me awake cause its pretty loud in my ears!! Once mommy and daddy got home from work I decided I could take a little break from all this breathing stuff after all I do have a party hat and what fun is a party if you gotta work all the time? Well that got my mommy and daddy real upset and my favorite nurse Holly was not impressed either (she even took off my party hat for a while and made me breathe through some mask thing with medicine in it!! yucky!!) I am feeling a bit better now but and I'm sorry that I scared every one here but breathing is hard work a fellas gotta take a break sometime!! Now I have my party hat back and I'm kicking back in my isolette just relaxing and breathing (cause I don't want to lose my hat again!!, I hear there really rare!) so I should get off the computer and get some sleep so I can do lots more breathing tomorrow and secure my hat for all time!!!!

I love my binkie

I have to tell you that next to mommy and daddy, my binkie is the greatest thing in the whole wide world!!!!!!!!! I have literally sucked on it almost constantly for three days now and I'm not done with it yet! By the time I'm done sucking there might not be anything left of it....I sometimes gum it (since I don't have teeth I can't bite it, so I gum it). I've learned how to breathe while I'm sucking too....let me tell you so then you can suck on a binkie too....you suck..suck..suck (three times) then you take five breaths, and then suck three times again. Just keep doing that and you'll be a pro at the binkie sucking...just like me:)

I still have the hose in my nose...I really don't like it and I've tried to pull it out a few times. It turns out that this type of CPAP is not easily escaped. I've even turned my head completely over a few times and the darn hose doesn't fall out! I've decided that I won't turn my head over anymore because everytime I do the nurses put more tape on my face. Sometimes they can be sooo mean! *pouts*

I've been crying lots today. Mommy loves to hear me cry...even though it's still really quiet because my throat hurts. Oh yeah, it's also quiet because I'm still a little guy. But I'm working my way up to a roar! Daddy's favorite thing to say these days is "if you can cry, you can breathe".

Mommy and daddy went to a picnic today with their friends Janelle and John. Daddy tried to sneak me out of the hospital in his shirt pocket, but Nurse Sheila was having none of that! Mommy and daddy met lots of nice people at the picnic and got to eat some good food. When John found out that I can cry, now that there is no hose down my throat, he agreed with daddy and said that a lot of things have to be going right with me if I am able to cry. Janelle can't wait until I'm big so she can hold me....she says she needs her baby fix. I think she might have to pry me lose from mommy and daddy's arms first.

For some reason my heart rate has been very high today. Nobody is really sure why. The doctor and my day nurse, Sheila, think that it might be high due to the steroids. But mommy and daddy pointed out that I finished the steroids on Sunday morning and even while I was on the steroids my heart rate was not this elevated. My night nurse thinks that it's because my day nurse tried to roast me. Actually, Sheila didn't really try to roast me, but my bed wasn't reading my body heat correctly so the bed itself was roasting me. Sandy, my night nurse, decided right away that she was going to change my bed completely so that I wouldn't be roasted anymore. In order to do that I can't be in the bed, so mommy got to Kangaroo me for a couple hours. Normally it only takes about 15 minutes to change out the entire bed, but my heart rate went down to almost normal when I was holding mommy, so Sandy decided I could stay as long as I wanted to.

I only held mommy for two hours because otherwise mommy wouldn't get very much sleep and then she would be cranky at work tomorrow. Believe me, nobody wants a cranky mommy!!!

Nurse Sandy put new blankets on my bed and picked out clothes for me to wear. This picture is of me in the clothes that Nurse Sandy picked out. Mommy and Nurse Sandy agree that this outfit fits me the closest, but it won't for too much longer! And, if you look closely, you can see that I'm sucking on my binkie....and holding it by myself too!!!! Pretty soon I'll be crawling all by myself too. Sometimes, when no one is looking I try to push myself up into a crawling position. It works for awhile, but then my alarms start going off and I get in trouble for being "ornery".

Someday I'm going to grow big and then I'll show those nurses what "ornery" really is:)

Is the third time a charm?

Hello and good morning from my warm and toasty isolet. I'm sorry for not writing yesterday, but it was a very busy day.

First, my doctor #3 came in and told mommy and daddy that she was going to lower my ventilator settings a whole bunch. If I did well on the lower settings then she was planning to extebate me before the day was done. My ventilator was set for 14 Pip, 8 Peep, and a rate of 10 breathes per minute. The ventilator was only going to breathe ten times for me in a whole minute if I didn't breathe....talk about a grueling job for me!!!!! These doctors are forcing me to breathe, how rude! Although, mommy and daddy are quite happy with the doctors wanting to force me to breathe...daddy says I'm old enough to breathe on my own so I should be doing just that.

Those changes were made at 10:45 am on May 27, 2006. Then, around 4:00 pm I was extebated for the third time during my hospital stay. Mommy, daddy, and I are really hoping that this time I remain extebated, but all we can do is wait and see.

While I'm technically not on the ventilator anymore, the type of CPAP I am on now is not much different than the ventilator. It's more of a baby step this time. Because I was ornery with the previous CPAP mask that the doctors put me on, this time they have acted quite intelligently. That old CPAP was yucky! I learned very quickly to pull it off, and when I couldn't do that I would stretch my head back and turn it really quickly so the nasal prongs would land anywhere but in my nose. And the head piece was connected so tightly around my head that it messed up my chubby cheeks! I'm serious.....my chubby cheeks were just chubby, not cute!

So this new CPAP is actually another hose. This hose has been inserted into my nose, approximately 5 centimeters so that it is resting right above my airway. I'm not too fond of things in my nose and this hose has been making me sneeze quite a bit, but when I'm left alone to rest, I do pretty well with it.

The doctors also changed my O2 parameteres. Now I have to maintain an O2 saturation between 92 and 98 %. I've maintained that now for about 12 hours and appear to be doing well. I have desaturated a few times, but it has only been when the nurses are changing me or feeding me or just bugging me in general....which is exactly their job and deep down I love them for taking care of me.....it's just so hard to behave for them sometimes.

Doctor #3 told mommy and daddy not to be surprised if I am on CPAP for about a month. There are numerous kinds of CPAP so I won't necessarily keep this hose in my nose. My lungs aren't old enough to be able to survive without the PEEP (pressure) to keep them expanded, so the doctors wanted to insure that I was receiving the PEEP at all times. They needed to use a CPAP that I couldn't pull away from my face, like I did with the nose prongs.

At least this nose hose won't make my cheeks all puffy and red:)

Mommy and daddy told me that we are moving into our new house next weekend. They snuck home for a few hours last weekend and today to pack up as much stuff as they can. A lot of our friends have graciously volunteered to help with the move....or maybe mommy and daddy are making them help, I don't really know:) I'm just happy I don't have to help with the move. Hopefully they can move everything really quick so mommy and daddy can come back to the hospital and be with me, I miss them when they are gone. I thought about figuring out a way to sneak out of my isolet and climb into daddy's pocket so I could go with them, but I think the nurses would miss me too much. Plus, I don't want mommy and daddy to get into trouble, so I guess I'll just nap while they are gone.

Another giant leap for Zander!!!

Okay, first things first....My daddy and mommy and Grandpa Bob made me a blanket. It was one of the activities that was put on the March of Dimes Family Support Specialist. Mommy and daddy did not get to attend the regular scheduled activity so Carla, the FSS, was gracious enough to show them how to make a blanket. You can see daddy and Grandpa Bob getting all technical and engineer-like with it. Mommy helped too, but daddy did most of the work...Because he loves me!!!!:) I had mommy add a picture of the finished product so you could see it. One side is yellow with little smiley suns on it and the other side is solid blue. It was really easy to make and fun too, so they tell me.

Okay, okay, okay......GUESS WHAT??????????? I weigh 3 whole pounds now:):):)
Yeppers, my nurse weighed me last night and it's official, I'm getting big! Did I mention that I'm fourteen inches tall too??? Pretty soon I'm going to be bigger than my daddy...Like in 20 years.

So, I got a new sign to show I hit the 3 pound goal, and I've been doing pretty good for the most part. I haven't had any spit ups since the last time I wrote to all of you which means I'm keeping my food down really good. They've been lowering my ventilator settings ever so slightly each day and today the doctors told mommy and daddy that this weekend they plan to extebate me again. Meanies!!!!!!!!

My doctor #2 told mommy and daddy they are going to give me steroids again. This time they're not giving me the roids to help my lungs. Instead, they want me to have them because they are fearful that the scar tissue in my airway may cause me problems. Mommy cringed when she heard the word "steroids" again. She is afraid that I will do good for three days and then need to be intebated again. The doctor said she could possibly be right, but they have to try and get me off the ventilator, no matter what. Both mommy and daddy understand what the doctors are trying to do, but they have to be advocates for me and they think that less pain is probably better for me. I guess it will be an on-going argument until I am feeling well enough to go home.

So with the whole extabation and steroids combination, it is entirely possible that I will lose some weight over the next few days. Which really makes me sad because I worked so hard to reach 3 pounds. Hopefully, the doctors will increase my feedings so I can continue to pack on the pounds:)

Have a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend!!!!!!!!

Drama Prince

Okay, if you know my parents then you understand this title. It has been said that my mommy is a bit of a drama queen and there are a few people that would say my daddy is a drama king at times. It's not that they really make everything more dramatic than it needs to be, but....Let's just say that they always seem to get stuck in the middle of something that gets blown out of proportion.

Well, it appears that I am following in their foot steps. First with the whole escaping from mommy 3 months early and the continuing NICU saga.....It seems to be one thing after another. So the doctors feel they have established that I did not have a staph infection as the gram stain culture thingy suggested...They now believe I was just "wonky" (daddy's word for Zander + weird) due to the steroids leaving my system. But now, I've been spitting up some of my food on a semi-consistent basis. Mommy and daddy were told today that it's probably just a little reflux and nothing to worry about. I'm still eating really good and they increased the amount I get to eat again today. I am now able to have 96-100 CCs per 12 hour period. I guess the doctors feel that if I happen to spit up 1 CC here or there, then it's really not a big deal. They tell mommy that reflux is pretty common in babies like me.

Today I've done pretty good other than the reflux issue. I've had maybe two true apnic episodes where my heart rate decreases along with my oxygen saturation, but otherwise my O2 saturation has been in the 90's on 30-44% O2, depending on the time of day.

I'm wearing a blue outfit today and my bed is all newly clean since I spit on everything else and I'm just hanging out with mommy and daddy in my room. Mommy finally understands what it means to be doing constant laundry. Grandma Domo kept warning mommy about the amount of laundry loads she would be doing, but mommy just couldn't comprehend. Mommy does a load every evening now...although they are tiny loads because I'm a tiny baby. She says it's great that the NICU has a washing machine so she doesn't have to leave the hospital to do my laundry. Sometimes, when mommy and daddy really don't want to leave me...They do their laundry here too. The hospital does not seem to mind, at least they haven't complained about it yet.

Mommy and daddy are going to meet with Carla, the March of Dimes Family Support Specialist tomorrow evening and make baby blankets for me. Since they both work they miss out on all the fun activities that Carla plans during the day. And daddy actually told mommy that he really wanted to make a blanket for me...So mommy begged Carla to show them how tomorrow...And she agreed. Sounds great to me, I'll have extra blankets:)

Mommy gets to have Monday off for Memorial day. Daddy will probably have it off too, but he will more than likely have to work on Saturday and Sunday instead. Like daddy says, "Someone's gotta make the windows".

Have a good night:)

No Cry Baby Here...

Today has been pretty good. Did you know that the doctors stopped all my IV antibiotics today? That's right....they think the culture only grew staph epi because it was contaminated from either my skin or someone elses. Oh yeah, you...me...the girl next door, we ALL have Staph Epi on our skin. Sounds kind of gross huh??

So I laid around in my bed all day while mommy and daddy worked. I mean really, someone has got to earn a living! It certainly isn't going to be me. I had a new nurse today. Her name was Cindi and she's pretty smart. She teaches other nurses how to be nurses, when she isn't being a nurse herself. She was pretty nice to me, especially since I made a couple of huge messes. First, I urinated all over my clothes and the bed. Second, I had a rather large bowel movement, and third....I threw up on myself. It was only a little bit and I blame the hospital staff entirely! *looks all innocent* I promise I would not have thrown up if they hadn't increased my food intake to 89-95 CCs of mommy juice every three hours. It may not seem like much to you, but that's a lot of mommy juice for a little guy like me!!!! I'm used to it now though, I only threw up the one time.

See, the bad thing about making three messes in one day is that then the nurses think I need to be bathed again. I personally think they just use anything as a reason to give me a bath....even when I don't stink! That's right, I got another bath today. It was just a sponge bath and I'm actually starting to like the whole water and soap thing. Especially when the water is warm...man, that feels good! I was all comfy and ready to snuggle into my clothes and get some Z's, but then they decided to put new tape on my ventilator tube....way to go nurses, now I'm really mad!!!!! :( And if that wasn't enough, they pulled my NG tube out and then put it back in....I don't know how much more I can take!!!!!!!!!!!

I literally cried my very first tear today. Not that you could hear me cry, but mommy did see my first tear. Don't get me wrong, I've cried many many times since being taken from mommy's warm insides. The only difference is that now my eyes are open and kind of working on their own....so today I made a tear. Actually, I think I made more than just one....I was not a happy camper because of the re-taping and re-positioning incidents. At least I'm finally able to rest easy since the nurses have left my room.

I'm going to be very good tonight so I don't have to see them again until morning!!!!!!!

Shhh!!! I'm Hiding!!!

Everybody be quiet!! I'm hiding from the nurses. It seems like they just keep pokinging me and prodding me, last night they even stuck me into a tub of water for a bath!! I know it's a hospital, but come on I just had a bath last week jeez!! So yep with my infection starting to dwindle and me feeling a lot better I figured I would try to hideout for the rest of the weekend here at the NICU, but somehow they always seem to find me, Today they flushed me out by again lowering the rate on my ventilator to 20 breathes per minute, that means if I want more than twenty each minute I gotta do the rest myself. Man, don't they know they're supposed to take care of me here? Seriously, who wants to be troubled with all that breathing when I've got a machine that can do it for me. Well, mommy and daddy say I won't have that machine when I go home, so I suppose I should try to figure out the breathing thing on my own, after all, since I don't really want to stay here and have to hide from poking my whole life. So again, another day spent hiding and trying to learn to breathe. Life as a preemie gets more and more interesting by the minute!!!!

Clean and Fresh

I got a bath tonight. I did really good sitting in the tub. Mommy and daddy figured that I would only have a sponge bath because I have the tube down my throat again, but my nurse Sandy decided that I was going to have my second tub bath of all time. So Sandy held onto my tube to make sure it stayed where it was supposed to. Nurse Tiffany, who doesn't actually have me tonight but came to help out because I'm difficult to work with, and she helped contain me.....no, it's not restrain me....it's CONTAIN me...which really means, HOLD ME STILL (daddy says there is not really a difference)!!!!! Daddy helped Tiffany with that part because he held onto my legs. Mommy had the duty of washing me. She tried to have daddy do the actual washing, but daddy said he would break me because I'm so little. Mommy reminded him that she's much more clumsy than he is, and then she pointed out that if I have survived her, I will certainly survive daddy....but daddy wasn't buying it so he just held me.

I'm doing pretty good tonight. Mommy noticed that since they started the antibiotics on me last Wednesday, I really haven't been energetic. For the last four days I've layed quietly in my bed barely moving at all. Mommy says that's not normal for me, she's used to me waving my arms or kicking my feet....I guess I usually like to move. So anyway, late this afternoon mommy noticed that I appeared to be back to my normal self as I was once again waving my arms and kicking my feet. I even tried to move myself up in bed right before my bath. Nurse Sandy was not too happy with me!!!!!!

My doctor #4 (I met him fourth) was working today and he lowered my ventilator settings from 26 breaths per minute to 22 breaths per minute. Basically, that change just means that I have to be more responsible for my breaths than the ventilator now. *Sighs* My doctors are so demanding sometimes! I've been doing a pretty good job breathing most of the time....and my O2 requirement has stayed in the lower 50's or upper 40's, so I'm not complaining.

My doctor #4 also received the results of my staph culture. Apparently, the staph my blood was growing is called Staph Epi (not sure how to spell that) and it's actually a skin contaminent which my doctor says is not usually found "IN" the blood, rather just on the skin. But, no one can deny that I've not been feeling quite like myself this past week. Okay, so my doctor #4 stopped the G???myacin (I don't know how to say it) but kept the Vancomyacin going....the Vanc stuff is the antibiotic that will kill off the staph epi...which apparently is more wimpy than me!!!!!

Mommy and daddy's friend Janelle came to visit me today. She babysat me while mommy and daddy went out to eat. Janelle said that if they didn't go out to eat, then she would force them to leave and take a nap. Do mommy and daddy's take naps???? Janelle's daughter Kaitlynn really wants to be 12 years old right away so she can come see me. There's a rule here that big-little kids, otherwise known as kids under the age of 12 years, are not allowed in the NICU. I think it might be because kids under 12 still get jealous when they see how cute us babies are.

Grandma and Grandpa Orr came to visit me too....we visited for a short time. Mommy and daddy left the hospital for a little while this morning, right before G and G Orr came to visit me, so that they could start packing some of our stuff up. I think that mommy finally did the math and realized that they can move into our new house in approximately 3 weeks. Daddy says they can wait until the last minute and stuff everything in the car, but mommy said "NO WAY!" I can't believe she got daddy to help packing:) I said I wasn't going to help and they must have listened because I stayed here and took a nap while they packed!

Oh yeah, I weigh 2 lbs and 14 ozs now. Well, that was as of Friday night...I haven't been weighed yet tonight so my weight could change. I might lose weight though. I was retaining fluids way too much the last few days so my doctor #2 had ordered some diuretics for me. I'm taking two different kinds and let me tell you....I'm not only filling my diapers with fluid (if you know what I mean), but I'm spilling over into my clothes and bedding. I'm like a waterfall lately!!!

Uh oh, I have to go now, my alarm is beeping so daddy is getting ready to give me a lecture.

For those of you who don't get to see me in person, here are two pictures of me. The bottom picture was taken when I was only a few days old. The teddy bear next to me is a beanie baby. The picture on top was taken today to show you a comparison of my growth. The doctors are very happy with my appetite, and with my weight gain. I weigh approximately 2 lbs 12 ozs. today, but that weight could be off by an oz. because of all the different variables that come into play when I get weighed. So, based on my current weight of 2 lbs 12 ozs. I have gained 1 lb 3 ozs since I was born. I've been eating the maximum amount the doctors would let me up until yesterday. The doctors think that maybe if I have thicker meals I might not have so much fluid in my lungs. So now I get to eat 20-21 CCs per meal, but they are adding Fortifier so that each feeding I get is 27 calories. That may not seem like a lot to all of you big people, but that's about all my little body can handle for now...and I really like my food!!!!!

Staph infections Yucky!!!!!!!!!!

Well its been a rough week with being intubated again and all. Today I heard daddy talking to my doctor #1 and he was saying that I more than likely have something that the doctors and nurses call a staph infection. I don't know what that means but I sure do feel yucky these days! The doctor is giving me some really strong antibiotic things that are supposed to kill all the bacteria things in my blood....but I still feel real real yucky all the time.

Now that I'm reintubated, I have to be suctioned out a lot, and with the infection in my blood I get suctioned about every hour these days. That's a lot of suctioning for a little guy like me.....but the bacteria stuff in my blood makes my lungs all cruddy with bad stuff that makes it really hard for me to breathe.....so even though I sometimes complain when the nurses stick the sucker thing down my tube it makes me feel tons better. Well, at least a lot less yucky!!!

Lately, I have been getting a lot of antibiotic stuff through an IV, and today I even got some blood because they take a lot out of me for all of my tests. Well, its a lot for me cause I'm small. Today after I got done getting my blood, they were gonna give me my antibiotics, but they found my IV thing wasn't working right....it was infiltrated and leaky or something like that...all I know is they took it out. Yippee!! Well, that was short lived because as soon as they got it out they started putting another one in:( That made me pretty sad, but I'm pretty lucky today because I get two nurses to take care of me. Karee and Aimee are realy good at the IV thingys and that's nice because then it doesn't hurt quite as much. Since I've had two IV's already, one in each arm....they're going to put the IV thingy in my head. I haven't had a brain vein since the first week I was alive. I going to go so I can have my antibiotics, that way I won't feel all yucky anymore.

Lil' Footprints....

Today my daddy got off of work at 230 and came right to the NICU to see me!! Well I thought that we were just gonna hang out and talk and have fun, but daddy gave me a talking too!! He said since I'm old enough to sign all kinds of cards and sign for mommy and daddy with my tiny foot prints I should certainly be old enough to write a thank you to all the people who helped me out yesterday when I wasn't feeling so good. First off I have to thank Dr. Julie and Nurse practitioner Shannon, they stayed with me for a bunch of time when I wasn't feeling good and were taking real good care of me (Shannon even stayed late on her shift to talk to mommy! Talk about committed!!) Next up is Denise she was my best nicu nurse in the whole world yesterday, she was real nice to me all day while I was being feisty and sick and she stayed right next to me for like 4 hours yesterday afternoon helping me breathe. I cant forget Tammy the best Respiratory therapist in the whole world!!! She did all kinds of stuff to try to help me when I wasn't breathing so good she even sprayed some kind of medicine in my lungs to try to help me, and most importantly she help onto my breathing mask for a really long time even though she was really hot under my warmer thing. Then there's Dr. Now I hope I spelled that right! I don't spell so good being a preemie and all and the good Dr. Doesn't wear a nametag. He put the tube in that helps me to breathe. I also have to thank all the great best nicu nurses in the whole world who came into my room and helped me even though they had other babies to take care of, there was Toni who got me the feel good drugs that made the tube not hurt so much, Jenn who mostly took care of daddy who was really scared and got the DR. a thing that made my tube go in really easy, There was Sandy who beside being the best nicu nurse in the whole world really seems to have some preemie skills, and finaly thank you to all of the nurses who I didn't remember to mention here (I was a little low on oxygen so its tough to remember everyone) and all the nurses that filled in for the ones who were busy taking care of me. I'm real sorry if I forgot anyone here but I'll be here a long time and will definitely thank you when its your turn to come and take care of me. So there that's my thank you note I hope daddy is happy cause I don't think he realizes that the nurses help me make my footprint and I gotta write thank you notes all by myself.

Oops!

I didn't have such a great day today. The good news is that I lasted three whole days on just the CPAP. The bad news is, I only lasted 3 days on just the CPAP. The nurses and doctors think that due to the rebound effect from me being off the steriods, I rebounded a bit further than they wanted me to and I had to be re-intebated today.

That's right, I'm back on the ventilator. But this time, it's a quiet ventilator....and this new ventilator will let me have lower settings than I did with my tractor-sounding ventilator. So, even though mommy, daddy, and I are sad that the tube is back down my throat and in my lungs, we're all really happy that I'm not back on the JET ventilator.

The steroids worked really good, but their effect didn't last long enough. I was breathing really good big boy breaths for 3 whole days, but without the help of those silly steriods, I couldn't kick the CO2 from my lungs on my own. But don't worry.....I'm going to get stronger and stronger and the next time I get extebated I'm going to make sure I breathe every single breath I take!!!!

Now that I have the tube back and I have a little help breathing, I'm actually doing really good. I've worked my way back down so now the O2 that I am receiving is at 54% and I'll get it lower through out the night because I'm mostly saturating in the high 90's. They tried to be really nice and not hurt me too much when they put the tube back in. They even gave me medicine that takes away the pain. The NICU Jedi, Shannon, tried to put my tube in, but she had a little bit of a hard time so my Doctor #4 came in and swiftly tubed me up!

I heard them talking about not letting me eat my mommy juice because they thought maybe I was too sick, but I set them straight on that nonsense before mommy even got back from work. So now I'm happily eating my mommy juice through my nose again. Besides, I bet mommy and daddy that I would weigh over 3 lbs before Grandma Domo and Grandpa Bob came home from vacation. This morning I weighed 2 lbs 9 ozs so I'm working my way up there!

Mommy and daddy went shopping for me yesterday and then came back and made me hand-made bed sheets and blankets to wrap me in. They are fleece and flannel. They also bought me some tiny clothes, but only a few outfits because stores just don't sell many tiny clothes these days. The cool thing is that I have my own set of drawers at the hospital now. I have a drawer for clothes, a drawer for "wrap me up" blankets, and a drawer for "could be used as bedsheet" blankets. All the other babies have to borrow the hospitals, but not me:)

Well, I'm going to go to sleep now because my daddy is snoring like the tractor noise my old ventilator used to make. I was kind of missing that noise, but now I can fall asleep to daddy's snoring!!!! Nighty night.

CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure)

Well now that they have taken away my tractor (which BTW would have been nice for me and daddy to plow snow and mow grass at our new house) I get to be on a new ventilator thing they call CPAP or continuous positive airway pressure. Its really really quiet compared to my old ventilator and the good news is that I don't have to have a tube down my throat to help me breathe!! The bad news... Oh yeah there's bad news when it comes to CPAP is that I gotta wear this weird mask like thing that scrunches up my nose and makes my face all flat :-( there's these two little prong things that go inside my nose and help me breathe and stuff but boy do they make my nose itchy and runny!! Today one of my favorite nurses Sara stuck a sucker thing into my nose to suck out all of the boogers Ewww Grossss!! And let me tell ya that isn't the most comfortable thing in the world having a vacuum cleaner stuck up your nose. In this picture I was having some trouble breathing so the nurse put me onto my back and daddy held my hand and reminded me to breathe. I like it sometimes when mommy and daddy remind me to breathe but sometimes I just gotta have a break it seems like I can never do enough breathing for those two!! Cut me a break I'm just a little guy even though I'm up to like 2# 7 oz. Now even some of the giant babies here in the NICU forget to breathe and some of them weigh like 7 or 8 pounds!!!

No more tractor noises!! ( I Hope for Good)

So anyway there used to be this thing next to my bed that sounded like a tractor (at least that's what everybody says I don't know what a tractor is so I'm gonna have to take there word for it) well guess what? This morning at 936 it went away along with this thing that was sticking down my throat helping me breathe! Daddy took a picture for me to post here of me with out any tubes or hoses in my face! I look like a stud even though daddy isn't a very good photographer. Well it didn't last long cause nearly as soon as the tractor noise went away I got a new thing that helps me breathe stuffed up my nose!! The Nurses call it cpap I don't know what that means but it sure is nice not having that thing down my throat anymore I can even make noises now with my mouth!! Well there mostly just little squeaks and wheezing but ya gotta start somewhere!! My mommy went to work today cause shes got lots of work to do helping little kids (there all huge compared to me but mommys work is important) so I got stuck with daddy today (he took the day off work cause windows aren't that important). The doctor is leaving my tractor sounding thing in the room for now in case I need it again but I'm gonna show him I don't need it cause I sure don't want that tube thing down my throat again!!

What's this? A dress????

Okay, can someone please help my mommy decide if this is a dress or a t-shirt??? Some of the nurses say it's a t-shirt, and some say it is supposed to be a t-shirt, but looks like a dress. Daddy tells mommy it's a t-shirt, but she sees a dress. I've told you before that I much prefer to be naked, but if I have to wear clothes, please don't make me wear a dress! So just to make mommy be quiet, will everyone please tell her it's a long t-shirt so she doesn't start thinking I'm a girl!!!!!

And yes, mommy has talked the night nurse into helping mommy give me a bath....my good luck has finally run out! *pouts*

My very own reminder note pad

This is my note pad that my mommy bought me. I'm not going to share it with anyone else. She says she bought it especially for me....she wanted me to have something that reminded me of what I needed to do every day. I can't read yet, so I don't really know what it says, but every time a doctor or nurse sees it they start laughing at it. I guess it's pretty funny. Mommy stuck one of the pages on me one day before my doctor #2 came to see me. He told mommy that it was an appropriate reminder for me.

Down, down, down

Hi everyone! As you can see from my previous post, I've been getting steriods to help my lungs get better. Well, those steriods seem to be working really well, and really quick. My doctor #1 just told my nurse practitioner #2 to write orders to change my ventilator settings once again. So now I'm resting comfortably in my escape-pod-bed with my ventilator settings at 13 PIP and 6 PEEP. That's pretty low considering that just two days ago I was sitting at 19 PIP and 8 PEEP. The doctors are pretty impressed with how well I'm doing, but they kind of figured the steriods would work this way.

Now, don't get too excited just yet....I still have my apnic spells every once in a while, (mommy says almost once a shift), and occassionally my heart rate goes way down because I'm not breathing...but, all in all, I'm doing better.

I'm still eating lots and lots of mommy juice. I can have up to 82 CCs in a 12 hour period. Most of the nurses feed me every three hours, but I would like it better if I could eat every two or 2.5 hours. I usually start throwing a fit around 2.5 hours and when the nurses check my tummy it's always empty:)

Do you know that I haven't had a bath in a week???? Yep, life has been good to me! I personally think I smell great, but I keep hearing mommy whisper to the nurses something about a bath tonight. It's too bad I'm not still inside of her, I would kick her if I was. I really don't need any baths...I promise I don't stink!

Mommy and daddy are staying with me at the hospital tonight. Mommy has to be on-call for work starting tomorrow afternoon at 4:30pm so she won't get to spend as much time with me for the next week. Because of that, she's going to make daddy stay with me all the time until she's off on-call. She told him yesterday that she wanted to spend the night with me, tonight, so she wouldn't miss me as much tomorrow. He said that was fine yesterday, and now today he's decided he will stay here also, because he really misses me too. I think daddy would miss mommy if he wasn't here too. Mommy and daddy keep joking with each other...they say that I am #1 in both of their lives, which means they can only be #2 to each other. They walk around all day calling each other #2, it's kind of funny. I keep telling them that I don't mind sharing my #1 spot with both of them....they are my mommy and daddy so they are both #1 in my book!!!

My Grandma Domo and Grandpa Bob are going to visit all my real Aunties and Uncles. They are going to Texas and will see Auntie Maggie and Uncle Rob, Auntie Rachel, and Auntie Sue and Uncle Reid...they won't see Auntie Sue and Uncle Reid's baby girl, because she's still in Auntie Sue's tummy. Grandma Domo is worried that my mommy will need her, but mommy says "go and have a good time!" Mommy is just excited because she knows that when Grandma Domo and Grandpa Bob come back I will look huge to them!!!! Ten whole days means I could gain 10 whole ozs. while they are gone. Can you believe it?????? I could possibly weigh over 3 lbs. by the time their vacation is done:)

My nurse Denise is bringing in extra special blankets for me tomorrow. She says that I'm too cute for some of the hospital blankets and since I'm a little man I need to have matching blankets....no mis-matched stuff for me! Mommy also tod her that I've gotten some blankets and receiving blankets as gifts from all my friends and family. Denise said mommy could start bringing them in and we could bring in a little set of plastic drawers to store them in....that way the hospital won't borrow them and forget to give them back.

Anyway, mommy is going to bring in my blankets and some of the clothes that might "almost fit me when I'm 3 lbs". She says that right now all the Preemie clothes she's been saving from gifts and the stores are still too big, but soon I will be able to wear them!!

Oh yeah, daddy came up with another funny name tonight. This time it's not for me. He was talking with my Nurse Practitioner #2 (cuz she's the second one I met) and she was excited to know that daddy wanted to call her the "NICU Jedi". I guess that means that the doctors are either Yoda, or that Council group that always meets....I don't really know because I haven't seen the movie. I should really ask my Uncle Rob because he knows every thing about Star Wars. I think daddy may be sleep deprived when he comes up with all these funny names and saying, but I have to admit...daddy makes mommy and my day brighter when he's around!!!!

Clothes and steroids!! What a combo!!!

Today I get to wear clothes and take steroids!! Well the clothes don't really do anything for me cause I like to be naked but they make mommy real real happy so I guess I can wear em for her if makes her happy. Now about the steroids, I was realy excited when the doctor told me I was going to take some steroids hey what preemie doesn't want to bulk up a bit? well Dr. Julie explained that these were different kind of steroids, these help my lungs to work better and don't do a darn thing for my physique. I suppose it is about time to try out this whole breathing thing full time with mommy and daddy always on my case to do it and worrying about me when I don't. Well so far the steroids have been pretty great its been less than 24 hours and I already made my nurse Jenn turn down my ventilator 3 whole notches, I think that's pretty darn good for a guy my size!! Also I gotta say I make this blue shirt thing look good!! A little history on the shirt, you didn't think I was old enough to know any history? Well The shirts I get to wear come from a special closet here at the NICU that is just full of clothes and blankets for little people like me!! OK so the only reason I know this little bit of history is cause one of my nurses Jill told mommy and daddy all about it see Jills little girl Molly was real sick when she was little and the doctors said she wasn't gonna make it more than a few weeks well she made it a whole 6 years!! That's a lotta years!!! So this closet thing ( they tell me its like a realy big isolete but with doors) was donated in Mollys honor. I never got to meet Molly but I sure am glad that shes got all these cool clothes and nice snugly blankets I can use while I'm here. Maybe one day when IM all old and stuff me and mommy can make some blankets and shirts and stuff for other kids here.

Missing mommy and daddy

Mommy and daddy slept at home last night. When daddy woke up to go to work this morning, mommy woke up with him. She couldn't fall back asleep after daddy left, so she drove to the hospital to spend time with me before she went to work. I got to spend two whole hours with her before she left. I was so happy she came. I told her that I had a pretty good night because my nurse was Tiffany. But then Tiffany told on me.

See, Tiffany got a call from mommy last night wanting to know how I was doing at 9pm. Tiffany told mommy that I was sat-ing 93% and was only on 48% oxygen, so I was breathing really good. But at some point during the night I didn't do so good. Tiffany told mommy this morning that she had gotten worried at one point because I was apnic and she couldn't get me started breathing again for lots of minutes. Mommy and daddy have witnessed me doing this numerous times, but Tiffany has not. Tiffany went on to explain that daddy had called around 4:30am on his way to work, and when she told him about my apnic spell, he explained that apnea was a common occurrance with me. Tiffany was a little less worried then, and then when mommy got here, mommy explained the same thing. See, Tiffany is a really good nurse and I am usually on my best behavior for her, but I think I was missing mommy and daddy a little too much last night.

Mommy and daddy both worked today. Grandpa Bob came to the hospital to spend time with me until daddy got off work, and then eventually mommy came to me from work too. Then I had my family back:) Eventually we'll get used to missing each other.

I wasn't very good today either, but I didn't have any real apnic spells. I was squirmy and up and down like usual. I got my tubes and hoses changed and then when I got my x-ray, one of my hoses got pinched in the door to my bed and messed up the pressure on my vent. That kind of messed up my blood gas, so once my nurse Jen (that's right, Africa-bound Jen) figured out that my hose was pinched, she fixed it and then did another blood gas. The 4pm blood gas was a little better than the 2pm blood gas so everyone was more happy.

I'm doing okay, so don't worry too much about me. Mommy was able to make it through a whole day of work, and she now understands completely how daddy feels when he has to leave me. But I think mommy always knew it was going to be really hard to be away from me all day. I know she's working now so that she can take off time when I'm out of the hospital, so I'm okay with her working. Daddy is trying to go to second shift again so that he and mommy can make sure one of them is always with me. I think that everything will work out the way it was meant to be, we just need to give it time!:)Besides, daddy says he can take time off too because he's my daddy.

I need to get going so I can spend time with mommy and daddy. My nurse Jen took a really cute picture of me today....I was being ornery....so I'll have mommy put that on here tomorrow. Also, My Sonya emailed mommy a picture of the note pad mommy bought for me. I'm not going to tell you about it now, because soon it will be on here too, then I will tell you about it.

Good night everyone!!!!!
Love Zander

Whoosh!

Wow, the weekend went by really quickly! Friday night both mommy and daddy stayed at the hospital with me. Mommy was really paranoid and didn't sleep very much because I had a new nurse on that mommy had never met before. Logically, all the nurses that work in the NICU are trained to care for micro-preemies like myself. However, mommy doesn't always think logically. She spent most of the night awake while daddy slept on the couch.

Daddy had to go to work on Saturday morning so he left around 4:30am and mommy moved to the couch. She slept for a little while longer, but she was still worried. Then Jen was my day nurse and mommy felt all better. Jen is excited that my room is going to have an animal theme....but she remains firm that I can not go to Africa with her!

Daddy came home from work at 10:15am and then he and I held each other for Kangaroo Care. I was squirmy and didn't breathe as often as a person should, so daddy was a litle worried about me. It turns out that I just had to poop...that always makes me stop breathing! Daddy's daddy, Grandpa Orr, came to visit while I was holding daddy. Mommy thought it was awesome that there was three generations in my room so she took a picture. Unfortunately, I'm so tiny that you can't really see me...so she'll take another picture of the three generations when I'm bigger.

After I was done holding daddy, My Sonya came to visit. Mommy and daddy were excited because My Sonya found out she won't ever have the mumps. She got lots of shots when she was little and when she was big, so she's immune to the mumps. Did you know that she hasn't gotten to see me since the day I came out of mommy?? I really missed her! Anyway, she came to visit me and I showed her how different I look now...I'm huge!!:)

She brought me presents too.....she hand sewed a quilt for me. She wouldn't ever tell mommy what the design was going to be early on, and then when mommy and me opened the bag...we saw ANIMALS!!!! It's awesome because it will match my room perfectly! My Sonya says that she laughed out loud long ago when mommy told her about the animal theme, because My Sonya had the same idea. My Sonya also got me a mommy and baby kangaroo stuffed animal set. Mommy and daddy thought it was so cute. My Sonya reminded mommy of their trip to Kohls when mommy bought the monkey mommy/baby set and My Sonya bought the Kangaroo mommy/baby set. That was when I was really tiny and still in mommy's tummy! I also got some shoes for when I'm big and a turtle book too:)

Grandma Domo came and visited with all of us. Jen, the nurse, scolded us for visiting too loudly so we decided to whisper. Then Grandma Orr showed up too, it was a huge party in my room. Grandma Orr didn't stay very long because she can visit every day. Grandma Domo left after being here for almost two hours. My Sonya, and mommy and daddy left me with Jen to see if they could show My Sonya the house. The old owners weren't home so they just peeked at the backyard and then they went to the Home Depot to look at paint colors. After they came back to the hospital, we visited some more and then mommy, daddy, and My Sonya ate dinner in the cafeteria...then My Sonya went home.

My night nurse was Sue and she's good with me too. Because mommy and daddy trust Sue to take good care of me, daddy actually talked mommy into sleeping at home. This was the first night in over a month that mommy slept at home instead of the hospital!When she came back to me this morning, mommy told me she did pretty good, but woke up at 2:00 AM and had a really hard time going back to sleep. She wanted to call me to see how I was doing, but didn't want Sue to think she was paranoid, so she forced herself back to sleep. Mommy then woke up at 4:30am and 6:00am so she called Sue at 6:00 and I was doing really good.

Mommy and daddy came back to my room this morning and sat with me for a couple hours, then went back home to clean some and do laundry. After the laundry was done they came back to me and stayed the rest of the day with me. They felt comfortable leaving to do the laundry because Karee was my nurse. Karee calls me Bubba and laughs a lot because daddy calls me a "crap factory". Karee thinks it's an appropriate name because I poop a lot. Karee thinks I'm stinky!!! :)

Tonight I have Tiffany as my nurse and she's the burrito roll queen. Because Tiffany is so good to me, daddy has once again talked mommy into sleeping at home. Mommy is a little bit worried though, because she has to go to work tomorrow for the whole day. That means if she leaves tonight, she won't see me until after 5:00pm on Monday. She's going to go through Zander withdrawl, I bet you!

I've had a pretty good weekend. My blood gas was so good Sunday morning that my doctor #2 lowered my ventilator settings. My blood gas this evening wasn't so good, but the doctor said I was probably still getting used to my new vent-settings, so I'll have another blood gas at midnight. Tonight is Sunday night and on Sundays I always get weighed and measured. Mommy and daddy are hoping that I'm taller than 13 inches this week because I haven't grown taller yet. We all know I'm gaining good weight, but it will be interesting to see how much I weigh too. I'll let you know tomorrow!!!!!

Well, it's time for me to eat so I'm going to bug Tiffany for some mommy juice!!! See you soon:)

Shampoo and Soap????

After mommy held me, I got a bath. This time I got to use real water and shampoo and soap, whereas my last bath was only sterile water, and no soap or shampoo. My nurse Jen made mommy give me the bath. I think it was a set-up because now I'm mad at mommy, not at Jen. Although, Jen did wash my hair....okay I'm mad at both of them.

I'm not a dirty baby, so WHY DO I NEED A BATH???? They even got me all naked and really washed me. I must admit, mommy was gentle...and the water was really warm, but come on....I'm a boy...baths are not on my list of favorites!!!!

It was kind of cool to know that I have enough hair on my head to actually need shampoo though. And mommy did say that when I get to use a real bath tub, I'll like it because then I can swim like a little fishie in the tub. And I do smell better.....so I guess I won't be too mad at mommy...besides, she's my only mommy so I love her no matter what! I got my bed changed too.

The doctors changed my ventilator settings today. I'm still having my ups and downs, but they figured out why the change they made a couple days ago didn't work. This time, they were smart and changed the rate of pressure that the ventilator gives my lungs. It went from 420 puffs per minute to 360 puffs per minute. They had planned on that being the only change, but since I was doing so good with that, they decided to decrease my PIP back down to 19 and I'm tolerating it much better now!!!! It turns out that because my lungs are growing really good and being so compliant, I need less and less assistance from the ventilator. However, since I need less and less, but was still getting the same rate or pressure, I was fighting the ventilator rather than working to ween off of it. Now that they've lowered the rate of pressure, I'm working with the machine so that tomorrow maybe they can lower me again:)

I'm spending quality time with daddy now....he's giving me a speech on how "All the cool kids breathe....you want to be a cool kid right?" Daddy really cracks me up sometimes....he says the funniest things to me and when he talks to me, my O2 saturation does increase. I love my daddy!!!!!

Just Hangin' Out

Here's a picture of me from earlier today. Mommy held me today, instead of me holding her, because I was too busy holding on to my ventilator tube. The Developmental Specialist says that I do this for security purposes. I also like to hold my head, so my nurse Jen took a picture of me doing both...holding the tube and my head. Sometimes I wonder why my head is so big compared to the rest of me.

Couch Potato

Sorry I didn't write anything last night. Daddy fell asleep on the couch around 8pm and mommy and I followed his lead shortly after. I've been more apnic than usual, and I don't sleep very well when I don't breathe, so I've been more tired than usual. I've just been laying around all day sleeping and eating....too bad I don't have my own TV!!!!

The doctor came and visited me at 2am this morning because of my frequent apnic spells. I was trying to be a very good boy, because I had one of my favorite nurses, Lisa, working with me. Lisa didn't feel very well so she wore a mask. I wanted her to be able to rest, but instead I made her work hard. She looked silly in the yellow mask, but it matched her smock pretty good. Lisa likes to make sure things match....especially my bedding. And she's really good at knowing boys' colors....she is fully aware that this boy does not do pink! Oh yeah, back to the doctor.....he told Lisa to draw some extra blood this morning to see if maybe I have an infection. I think I may have told you before, but I'll tell you again....sometimes frequent apnic spells can be a warning sign for infections.

Daddy, mommy, and I were all awake at 4am. Mommy and daddy both set their phone alarms so that daddy could get up for work. I did my part by making my Ventilator Alarm and O2 Saturation Alarm go off at 4am too, but daddy said that I make them go off so frequently that he's become immune to their noise. Hmmm....I need to get this tube out so I can cry and scream....that will wake daddy up for sure! Needless to say, daddy got to work on time, and mommy stayed up to help Lisa change me and draw labs.

My labs show that my Ph and Co2 are back to my normal, which are pretty good. My Ph is 7.33 and my Co2 was 60.....those are my usual numbers for good days....but no one can explain my apnic spells. My white blood cell count was a tiny bit elevated, but not enough to scream "infection". I guess I'll have to wait until my "doctor de jour" comes in to talk to mommy.

I'm doing pretty good right now. I'm still having apnic spells, but like usual, when mommy and daddy are awake, they start talking to me so I come out of the apnic spell. Most of the time it works. So mommy has been watching the numbers and when I start to dip she gives me a pep talk to get me back up. This way the nurses don't have to come into the room every 5 minutes.

Not that I would mind some of my nurses being in my room all the time. I do have my favorites:) So far I'm batting 3 for 3. I got to have Sheila yesterday during the day and then I had Lisa last night, and now I have Jen. Jen is cool....she's going to move to Africa to work with the little kids who are orphaned there. But she promised me she wouldn't leave until I'm out of the hospital. I wonder if she'll get to ride an elephant when she lives in Africa. I'd ask to go with her, but she's going to live there for 2 whole years....I think I would miss my mommy and daddy too much!!

Let's see...I'm still eating really good...but I lost an oz. so I'm back to 2 lbs 1 oz. It's because I have too many dirty diapers, but apparently that's normal for me:) Daddy changed his second poopy diaper yesterday.....he's so funny because he looks almost as scared changing my poopy diapers, as when my O2 saturation drops really low. Mommy thinks it's so cute that a tiny diaper and a tiny poopy can scare a big man so much!

It's official, mommy and daddy are going to move into a house in June and then I'll move in when I get discharged from the hospital. Before I come home, mommy and Grandma Hewlitt are going to paint two rooms. My room, because I need some boy color...and mommy and daddy's room....because it's pink. Grandma Hewlitt and mommy were laughing because they can't see daddy sleeping in a pink room. Mommy's thinking shades of blue for my room and a green color for their room. My furniture is going to be white and I'm going to have lots of animals in my room....like Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh My! Actually, so far it will be mostly Giraffes, Elephants, and Monkeys. I told Jen, my nurse, she can come and live in my room, in the house, and pretend she's in Africa:) She said it wasn't the same. *sighs*

Mommy thought about painting a mural on the walls, but instead she's going to just paint little pictures, that way my room will be done in time for me to move home. Besides, she doesn't know what my favorite things are yet, because I can't talk, and she doesn't want to paint the wrong things. Maybe when I get older, she'll let me paint on the walls. Auntie Ocho got to do that, so I'm going to ask if I can too!

Daddy is excited because I already have my own tool bench. Grandma and Grandpa Orr bought me a tool bench, complete with all the tools I will ever need. Daddy said he will set his tool bench up right next to mine so we can build together. Grandpa Bob and Grandpa Orr want to come over and build too. Mommy told me to watch out though, because both grandpas and daddy are sometimes clumsy and cut themselves...she doesn't want me to get hurt using tools. Daddy told mommy not to worry because he's going to buy me a bubble to live in. He said that when I'm in the bubble I will just bounce off of everything, and never get hurt. Daddy is so silly:) Mommy said she was going to put daddy in a bubble!

I was talking to Grandma Hewlitt, (I like to call her Grandma Domo), and mommy yesterday about my soon to be new little cousin. She doesn't have a name yet, but her mommy and daddy (Auntie Sue and Uncle Reid) are thinking hard about what to call her. Grandma Domo said she went to a baby shower for my Auntie Sue in Kansas City last weekend. I think it is kind of weird because the baby shower was for Auntie Sue, but Auntie Sue's mommy got me lots of presents too. Auntie Sue's mommy is Jan and she is so nice....when I get bigger, I'm going to have her cut my hair...because Jan cuts hair awsome! She lives in Kansas City and her son, Steve, lives in KC too. Auntie Sue lives in Texas like the rest of my Auntie and Uncles.

Mommy told me that I will eventually get to meet all my Aunties and Uncles, plus Jan and Steve, and even Auntie Maggies parents sometime in the future. Mommy said that our family has really cool In-Laws so we like to hang out with them. So Jan and Steve live in KC and Auntie Maggies parents live in El Paso. Daddy said that Auntie Maggie's daddy showed Maggie how to shoot guns and maybe will teach me too. Daddy thinks it's awesome that Auntie Maggie used to win contests for shooting guns.

Anyway, I decided since Jan was so nice to me when it was really a shower for Auntie Sue, that when I get out of the hospital I'm going to get a job. I'll be three months old by then, so I could do some kind of work to earn money. When I earn the money I'm going to buy my little "girly-girl" cousin some "HELLO KITTY" stuff for her room. I hear that's her favorite stuff. How does she know what her favorite stuff is when she's not even born yet? Here I am, 3.5 weeks old and I'm still clueless!!! Mommy says it's okay that I'm clueless....the only thing I need to do right now is concentrate on breathing and getting better. I think I'll talk to mommy about some kind of an incentive program. If she gives me a quarter for every day that I breathe on my own....I should be able to buy lots and lots of "HELLO KITTY" stuff when I get out. Wow, I am so smart...I'm ging to have to talk to mommy about that!!

The doctor wants to talk to me now so I better go. Have a good day!!!

I held it all by myself

I didn't have a very good day today. Last night, after I got settled in for the night, I did really well and when the lab checked my blood gas this morning it was really good. But, because it was good, the doctors decided to lower one of my ventilator settings. That turned out to be not-such-a-great move on their part. I spent the rest of the day going from one extreme to the other with my O2 saturation.

So around 5:30pm they put me back at the original setting. It wasn't too much of a difference, but I just wasn't ready for the lower setting. Plus, the last few days I'd gotten used to eating every 2.5 hours, all because the nurses and doctors finally realized that I like to throw "O2 tantrums" when I'm hungry. Well, because I had such a good night last night, my night nurse (who knows me well) only fed me every three hours so I could sleep. Since 3 hours worked for the night nurse, the day nurse decided she'd only feed me every three hours too.....then she was mad because my O2 saturation always decreased around 2.5 hours. My motto at this point is, "If I'm not broken, don't mess with my feedings!"

Tonight I'm doing pretty good though. Mommy talked this night nurse into the 2.5 hour feedings and so far I've been on my best behavior....which sometimes means forgetting to breathe, but I've been working hard to stay where I need to be! Anyway, I just got changed and am being fed now. While I was being changed the nurse asked mommy if I liked my binkie....well, duh....I love my binkie!!!! So, she stuck it in my mouth and I sucked and sucked. The only problem with my binkie is that it's rather large and while I have a good suck....the doctors are proud of my suck...I don't have the jaw strength to keep the binkie positioned in my mouth all the time. Most of the problem is that the ventilator tube does not allow me to fully close my lips around the binkie. So mommy lightly held it in place for me while I sucked. Mommy got caught up in watching my little hand and perfect fingers move around near the binkie and suddently she realized that I may be able to hold the binkie in place with my own hand.....after all, I am very smart and strong...don't you know?

So now I'm happily sucking on my binkie. I'm not really holding on to it, but I have just enough strength in my hand that when mommy placed my hand on the outside of the binkie....and if I don't move my hand, I do a good job of not allowing the binkie to slide out of my mouth!!!! Who's a big boy now????? I am:) YAY!

Oh yeah, remember how two days ago I reached the 2 lb weight limit???? Well, last night I supposedly lost 20 grams which put me a tad bit under 2 lbs., but I ate today with a new energy and now I'm weighing in at a whopping 2 lbs, 2ozs. That's right.....I weigh 950 grams....If I keep this up, I'll be bigger than my daddy by the end of the week!

Mommy talked to my Auntie Maggie and Uncle Rob this evening on her phone. They live in Texas, which is really far away from me. But they see pictures of me, and they sent me some awesome birthday presents. I got some sipee cups that are as big as my head and some bibs....I know there was other stuff too, but the bibs were my favorite because they said, "I love my Uncle", and, "I love my Aunt". When I get big enough to eat with my hands and mouth, instead of my nose, I'm gonna wear my bibs all the time. Mommy told me that Auntie Maggie and Uncle Rob have a puppy named Annie....she's yellow and really big, compared to me. Mommy and daddy think Annie is the best puppy dog in the whole world. Mommy told me that if Annie comes to visit, maybe I can ride around on her back.

The only other puppies mommy and daddy know really well are My Sonya's puppies. My Sonya's puppies don't get to grow up as big as Annie is, because they are only meant to be little puppies. I can't ride around on My Sonya's puppies because even though I'm little, I could still squish the puppies...and no one likes a squished puppy!

I haven't gotten to visit My Sonya or talk to her in a long time. She's been working really hard at her job, and then she got a cold. Sonya didn't want to give me her cold so she grounded herself away from the hospital. Then a few days ago, Sonya got really bad news. Some strange guy walked into her office at work to drop off some stuff and the whole office got a phone call that said the strange guy had the mumps. Thanks a lot strange guy, now my Sonya has been exposed to the mumps....I won't get to see her until I'm almost 3 pounds big!!!:( I tell you what, if I ever meet the strange guy, I'm going to kick him really hard until he hurts!!!

The worst part is that mommy and daddy can't even visit My Sonya because then they could be exposed. If that happens, I can't see them till I'm almost 4 pounds big because there is some kind of time lapse before a person can show their sick symptoms. I have faith My Sonya won't get the mumps, but I wish she could wear a costume and mask so she could still come see me. Mommy said that because I don't have my immunizations I can't be around any people with sick symptoms.

I've decided I'm just going to keep eating lots so I can get big....But I'm already strong, remember?:) When I'm big, I can have immunizations and then visit My Sonya, and everyone else who might have sick symptoms.

Okay, I have to suck on my binkie some more....good night!

I got in trouble today

Today my nurse got upset with me. She and the respiratory therapist were changing out the hoses on the ventilator. This process is somewhat of a delicate process as I need to be disconnected from the ventilator hoses, and "bagged with oxygen" to complete the change. In the meantime, I am not supposed to ever move my head unless the nurses are assisting me because it is important to keep the tube in the correct spot inside my lungs.

Well, they took too long so I tried to climb out of my bed. Okay, okay...I didn't get very far because my head is still really heavy compared to the rest of my body. But I got my little knees under me and pushed with my hands flat on the bed...I pushed with all my might and I lifted both my bottom and my head a few inches off the bed, thus moving the hose in the proces. I'm still not sure what the big deal is because the nurses put so many layers of tape on my face to hold the tubes in place that really the only thing that ever actually moves is my top lip.

However, the nurses apparently do not agree with me. I was promptly pushed back down onto the bed and then smushed with Mr. Koala Bear. Can you believe that???? She put him right on top of my head. How rude!!!!! I mean really....I'm three weeks old for heaven's sake....just let me help re-position myself because I know what's most comfortable!

And by the way, after I was sufficiently smushed, my nurse checked the placement of my tube and it was still placed exactly where it needed to be. Talk about over-reacting!

So, just to be ornery, I allowed myself to desat a few extra times today just to annoy my nurse. It obviously worked because she told mommy and daddy that she was exhausted and just wanted to go home and take a bath! I hope her bath is nothing like mine was, otherwise I can't see how she'd enjoy it at all!!! In my opinion, baths are not fun!:(

After daddy came home from work, I got to hold him for a little while. Because I was being so ornery, daddy got a little worried and only let me hold him for 1.5 hours and then had the nurses put me back in bed. Daddy said I wasn't looking the right color....I admit I was a little pale, but it was only because I was so tuckered out from being ornery with the nurse....next time I'll save some extra energy for when I get to hold daddy.

The doctors are trying to decide what to do with me. They really want me to be off the ventilator within the next week. They've been weening me off by lowering my settings on a daily basis, but all four doctors and two nurse practioners agree that I don't need to be on the ventilator for too much longer. In their meetings, they discuss whether to give me some more doses of Lasix or to give me a short trial of steriods. My #1 doctor, Dr. Barden, explained to mommy that either treatment will assist in removing me from the ventilator, but both treatments also have negative side effects that must be weighed. I've had two doses of Lasix so far, and while it doesn't appear to be helping my O2 saturation very much, my chest x-rays have been looking quite good. Dr. Barden says this could be a result of the Lasix, or could just be that my lungs are becoming more developed and are functioning more appropriately. The problem with the Lasix is that it can make my electrolights become wacky. Already, my sodium level is low and I'm taking supplements for that. He also explained that my Calcium levels could become depleted which is really not good for a growing boy like me because I could have bone problems like degenerative bone desease or possibly even symptoms of Cerebral Paulsey. The upside, Dr. Barden explained, is that I wouldn't be given the Lasix every day and not for very long and they can supplement my Calcium and Sodium so the risk could be minimal. None-the-less, there is still the risk.

He also informed mommy that the steriods will have the desired short-term affect that the doctors are looking for, but as we all know with steriods, there are certain side effects that are not necessarily desireable. Although, Dr. Barden did explain that I would not be receiving the same steroids as Barry Bonds takes. I think he was trying to make a joke, but because I'm only three weeks old, the humor was lost on me.

The main issue facing us at this point, is that the doctors all have their own opinions and beliefs about each treatment, and currently all of them are admitting they are not entirely sure either treatment will work for me. So the question they are asking themselves and each other is, "Do we take the risk of the negative side effects of either treatment when we do not know which treatment will actually work on Zander?" So today, on my three-week birthday, we didn't try either treatment.....the doctors want to watch my levels and study me some more before making a decision. The cool thing about my team of doctors is that even though they all have their own opinions and beliefs, they do not argue or jump the gun, they simply discuss everything and weigh the pros and cons. If I were a doctor, I'd just throw a fit until I got my way!!!!

I have a feeling that if I don't succeed in yanking the ventilator tube out of my mouth myself, by the end of the week, the doctors will have come to a decision regarding which treatment they will try with me. Don't get me wrong, my doctors are very intelligent and know what they are doing, it's just that they want to choose the best treatment for me the Zander-individual, because they want to decrease the posibility of any potential negative side-effects. However, they better decide pretty quick because everyday I build up more muscles in my arms, and soon I will be strong enough to yank that tube out before they can stop me. Mommy says that's naughty of me to do, but I know that the sooner that tube is out of me...the sooner I can get better and walk out of the hospital. Okay, be carried out of the hospital.

I feel sad for mommy, daddy, and me because I'm can't leave the hospital. Mommy blames herself, and I blame myself, and daddy just worries a whole bunch about both mommy and me. Mommy misses being able to sleep next to daddy at night in their bed at home, but at the same time, she can't seem to force herself to leave me for more than a few hours. Mommy almost went home with daddy tonight to sleep, but then got scared because daddy would leave for work at 4:30 am and she would be alone. She might try and go home with daddy tomorrow night and then come back to the hospital when he leaves for work. I think she just likes having one of her two men with her at all times. Daddy doesn't like to leave me either, but there are not alarm clocks at the hospital, and it's sometimes hard to sleep with my monitor alarms going off. But even so, daddy ends up staying the night with me more often than not. My nurses have gotten used to waking him up at 4am.

Mommy told me that if I could just come home with her and daddy at night everything would be good. She thinks it's weird that I'm her baby and she doesn't get to do all the things that other mommys do....feeding me without a syringe, holding me and rocking me to sleep, and waking up in the middle of the night to change me or soothe my cries. She knows it's only a matter of time before she can do all these things, but right now not doing them just doesn't seem right. The social workers still ask mommy if she is depressed and mommy maintains she is not. She knows what the symptoms of depression are and she doesn't fit them.....she says life just seems to be in limbo right now.

Anyway, it's time for me to get my bedtime story, so I'll write more tomorrow.

Yipee!!!!

Guess what???? I have a new sign on my door. Do you want to know what it says??? Do you promise to be as excited as I am????? Okay, I'll tell you. The new sign on my door says, "Zander is getting beary big!" Then there's a picture of a teddy bear and today's date. Here's the best part. The teddy bear's tummy says that I weigh 2.0 pounds!!!!!!!!!! I'm serious, at 4am this morning I got weighed and I weigh 920 grams....which is actually a little more than 2 pounds! Today is the best 3-week birthday ever:)